Day 83: I went to see a holistic kinesiologist today. Something I wasn’t sure of, seems a bit hocus pocus. Muscle memory, allergies, emotions. I’m not sure how to say it went. I guess I’m unsure of the outcomes yet but it brought up a whole lot of issues around identity. How we learn to behave, genetics – what is passed down, previous anxieties or disappointments we’ve held onto all shape who we are. Your body reacts to questions she asks and that is how she finds out what “you’re allergic to”. For example I found out that I inherited a “respect” issue, which is part of my make-up, from my mother – who inherited it from her father. This means respect for women and their value or role in the world. Mine for example is that I feel that I am only here to be a mother and didn’t expect much more from myself! Now consciously this is not how I saw myself. In fact I was determined not to be like my mother (not because she wasn’t kind, caring and great in general) but the role was to raise kids, keep the house, keep the man happy. I wanted independence, to make my own decisions, to be more than that. Anyways, lot of thoughts to process and apparent repressed anger to release (I might go and scream into my pillow now to let some steam off). Grateful for insight into my mind and body today.